RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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