You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Randomize
