I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Randomize
