He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
