god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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