I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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