i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Randomize
