Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
