Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
