I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
