just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
They are going to name an STD after you.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
