He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
it was like having sex with a tree stump
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
