Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize