I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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