So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Randomize
