Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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