awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
