yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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