I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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