I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
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