How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
