he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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