he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Randomize
