the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
