So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
