i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
