I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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