you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
