You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
