i may or may not be watching the land before time
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
