Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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