Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
