Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.

Fav 13 781 3198
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(415): View more from California

I'll probably hate you when I'm sober

Fav 28 3965 1153
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(519): View more from Ontario

It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.

Fav 18 1350 5610
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(734): View more from Michigan

We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.

Fav 7 2602 1016
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(256): View more from Alabama

I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.

Fav 3 2634 1077
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(605): View more from South Dakota

I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...

Fav 9 2581 1152
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(858): View more from California

Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's

Fav 4 969 764
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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.

Fav 1 100 9
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(954): View more from Florida

You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...

Fav 0 33 4
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