yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
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