well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
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