Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Randomize
