did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Randomize