If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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