she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize