ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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