How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
