I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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