Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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