He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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