God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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