I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
