shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize