we have pet lesbian snakes
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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