my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
false alarm. still invincible.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
