the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize