It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
