I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Alive.
So much puke
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
