just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
