The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
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