When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Randomize
