Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
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