I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Randomize