Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
