My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Randomize
