I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
