Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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