I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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