Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
