Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
