**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
