I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
