Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
