Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Your cock deserves a montage
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
