I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
