but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
