Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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